i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
