i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
