He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
