It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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