Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
