I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
What a dumb baby whore.
This is the high leading the old right now
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I have tasted many bathrooms
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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