So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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