i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You need a sexual gate keeper
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize