Please, let me fuck your mom
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
