some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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