She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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