$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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