Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
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