I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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