Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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