How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
