I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
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I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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