Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
