Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize