Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
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