the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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