I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
