took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
