What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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