yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Randomize
