Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
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Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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