so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
A bitchslap is in order.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
