i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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