They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
