tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
