you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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