what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
