i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
