as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
