you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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