dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
