did you get engaged???
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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