If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize