two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
