Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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