Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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