Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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