the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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