oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
