so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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