The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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