I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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