he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
