Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
