Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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