Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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