There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
The best revenge is premature balding
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
