Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
