whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Randomize
