At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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