I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
