I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
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I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
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I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
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