I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
