just tell him i said nine months
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Sorry about my life...
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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