They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
