They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
