He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
