Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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