Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
thus making me awesome and them whores
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
