Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
