I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
i would one night stand the shit outta him
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
