Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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