I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Those nachos came to me in a dream
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
