That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
