I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
