when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize