She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
