I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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