Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
